On Line dating: DECODED

In my many weeks within this world I have come to decipher the codes and secret messages locked within the language utilized by the female community who populate the world of On-Line dating. It seems Everything is a conspiracy these days and this forum of lies and boundless attempts to look 15 years younger through tricky photo lighting and fake dates of birth is no exception. Before you is a sample of the findings I've made in my many rendezvous within this forum of flirty madness. I am pretty sure these are probably original findings for the most part, original and useful to those willing to throw their asses in this ring of hell so caked with filth it would've surely taken up at least 350 pages in Dante's next book: "Inferno 2", if he were alive to write it. I'm not Dante, so you get one page. Take these notes with you on your journey if you are brave/idiotic enough to venture into these waters. 1: If you're reading an "About Me" and it sounds like a Horoscope of circular logic and concludes with the agreement/enjoyment of any situation and the opposite of that situation this girl is Boring & Crazy! She is clearly looking for someone to help figure out what she's supposed to be like due to her lack of a need for a personality because she was always "cute" and never needed a personality until now. She wants to steal your personality and pretend it's hers on the next dumb motherfucker she meets. 2: "Sweep me off my Feet" = You won't believe how much debt I'm in, can you pay it? 3: Add 8 years to the age they pretend to be. If this turns out to be false it's a welcome surprise... It won't! 4: If you see the words "boating" or "I like boating" or "I like boats". This woman is no dummy, She's a seasoned gold digging lady and truly understands how idiotic the investment in a boat truly is! This is her checking to see if you are: A. rich and B. stupid! If you feel like she's a gold digging bitch after learning of this, just remember: these are the women who get thrown off of cruise ships. It's a sort of hilarious justice. 5: If she lists "Shopping" as one of her favorite activities refer to the last half of #4. 6: Why does she have 7 kids? Because she's looking for you to pay for the 8th kid. That'll be you paying her the rest of your life because she poked holes in condoms and you're an idiot! 7: How do you have 7 kids and you're 24???? 8: "Tired of the bar scene" = I used to be a hoe!!!!!! 9: If she says "Help me pick out Lingerie" in her list of first date ideas, You'll be buying shit for her to wear for her real boyfriend. 10: 99% of the women on on-line dating sites are only doing it to make their Current Boyfriends jealous! My advice: ignore Satan's maze known as Online Dating and pick up girls the old fashion way. Pretend you're in a band nobody ever heard of except you, then on like date seven pretend you were kicked out and forming your own band and she can be in it. It's easy! Goodnight